In the past two days, I’ve been approached by three friends with relationship woes seeking advice. At the heart of their very different situations I found one overarching theme–breakdown in communication. My conclusion is such:
- 1. Remember that everyone shares differently. Some people prefer face-to-face contact, others texting or a phone call. There are those who are more passive-agressive and expect their loved one to read between the lines. Everyone grows up learning to express themselves differently. It requires patience, understanding & a willingness to try different approaches. Write a letter, set aside time to discuss any issues, make an effort to step outside your comfort zone in order to gain perspective. Sometimes the clearest message comes from simple actions.
- 2. If a relationship is not working despite best efforts, be realistic about eachother. Sure, people can change bad habits, or try to appease their partner by working on issues–but at the end of the day there will be characteristics you must accept or walk away from. This is one of the hardest things to do, but most crucial. It won’t be a black & white moment. There will always be things you love about someone, but if the things you are struggling with are things down the road that will be an issue, it’s time to think about going your separate ways.
- 3. Just because you are in love with someone, doesn’t mean they are the right person for you. At the basis of every great relationship, is a strong friendship. This can make the idea of a breakup seem unbearable, losing someone who was more than a lover. It’s comes down to realization that you aren’t right in the long run for eachother. I’ve always believed we are meant to have more than one soulmate. Different people come into our lives at just the right time. Someone might have been perfect throughout highschool, college, your first big-girl job, but when it comes time for you personally to move forward, they are something you have to leave behind. Change isn’t easy and being single has it’s moments, but with a little self discovery and reassessment of your goals; you’d be surprised how okay you will begin to feel.