Find your niche

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Pieces to a puzzle

You can call me jigsaw

Find the edges, fuck a frame

Defying Newton’s law

Lots of places, tight spaces

Working hard to find the fit

Expectations, limitations

Make it hard to submit

People saying I should settle

& give up the dream

Not counting on my mental

Girl doing big things

Talk all you want, cause I ain’t fronting

Been around long enough

Lioness been hunting

Killin’ it since ’89

Yeah boy, you know me

I may fail, I might fall

But I got that degree

& I would rather be starving

To know I have that hunger

Out on the prowl

Mark of a true hunter

 

Summer of ’15

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It’s weird…making decisions. Deciding who you want to be. To make that a conscious process instead of autopilot. Because frankly, auto pilot is no good. 

Mistakes define us; they serve as pivotal moments where our response is everything–it’s a lesson, a truth, a defining moment. Without mistakes we would never learn anything… But there is the risk of it becoming a visible maar, a characteristic more permanent than ever meant. In ways I don’t realize my mistakes haunt & mentally block energy that keep me stagnant.

I value the past, maybe more than I should. I’m a lover of nostalgia & while it can render a vulnerbleness; I am earnest in my belief that carrying it alongside a fervent truth of will–my future will be met with gumption & heart. I’m ready to level up, take chances and chase some dreams.

Let’s do this.

The year of Power

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25.
(a quarter century over as we know it)

I have achieved, struggled, succeeded, failed, conquered, avoided, reflected, pondered, questioned, searched, and arrived at this point. This beautiful, weathered, infinite moment…

A moment to bask in all that has and all that will be; I am ready for power. I am ready to chase the me I’ve always said, dreamed, hoped, envisioned, prayed, knew I would be.

Power means leveling up, challenging myself, pushing the limits and an unrelenting chase after my dreams. I am ready.

24 is the new 19

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Slightly jaded, wide eyed, and ready for something new…

The factory line of success isn’t the same anymore. No longer is the guarantee of a college degree, the social disgrace of divorce or the picturesque American dream.

I dream of living debt free, of having insurance and reliable transportation, of a job I don’t completely hate, of traveling and seeing the world… I tried following the formula and I’m realizing I’m back where I started fresh out of high school–slightly jaded, wide eyed, ready for something new….

Don’t get me wrong, I want a family. I want a husband. I want a career. I want the American dream.

But then again, I’ve seen it in action. We all have, haven’t we? We see our parents, our grandparents, our elders, our teachers, our bosses, our aunts and uncles all go out and try to accomplish it in one way or another. And I’d be crazy if I didn’t reconsider this factory line way of life after everything I’ve seen.

What if instead of worrying about trying to get into an institution we will be indebted to for the next 20 years, we worried about living? Taking advantage of our youth; traveling, discovering, making mistakes, going out on ventures, exploring our talents, feeding our souls? Maybe instead of being scared into the story of life we’ve been fed our wholes lives, we would dare to live differently?

It’s never too late to change the narrative and it starts with yourself.

24 is a second chance for me to do what I should have done in the first place. I want to live in the moment, love truly, learn from my mistakes, take risks, question the guarantees, and build my own system of success.

Welcome to the New Age

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It’s funny how much technology plays a role in our lives; living for years in what felt like the dark ages of cell phones, I finally upgraded to a smart phone. Looking back it’s hard to imagine not having web access at my fingertips–how did I survive?? I’ve begun to see the close relationship between convenience and contentment; the ease of which has become a gluttonous way of ingesting happiness.

The mentality that the more conveniences and luxury you can afford, the happier you will be continues to push its way to the foreground of media and advertisement–showing consumers the ideal lifestyle comes only with the latest tech, fastest cars, and most accommodating amenities. It all comes back to money. In order to do anything, go anywhere, or be anything money is a fundamental part of the equation. Hence the unending hunt for wealth; more money, the greater the opportunities.

I can’t say I haven’t wanted wealth; dreamed of an extravagant life filled with hot tubs, Egyptian cotton, and a house wide sound system. For now I find joy in the small things like name brand cereal. 

Self sufficiency has been a must in many situations over the past several years and I’ve found that equally, if not more satisfying. Yes, this does require time and effort–something we seem all too eager to avoid, but nothing worth having comes easy. You can make easy money, but few can maintain wealth with short cuts and schemes. Happiness has to come from inside yourself; at some point objects lose their luster and are replaced with a new model, people will let you down and disappoint you (we are, after all human and are bound to act on selfish tendencies), and sometimes you will find yourself broke and out on your ass because that’s the hand life dealt you. But if one can remember that no amount of money in the world can buy the feeling of contentment, the grasp that wealth has us in, becomes that much weaker. If we can continue to obtain virtues such as initiative, gratitude, persistence, selflessness and determination; we all have a much stronger chance of finding fulfillment that no amount of convenience can provide. It all comes down to an individual’s mindset; a person cannot always change their situation, but they can change their attitude.

Adopt a new attitude; remember where true happiness comes from and keep your eyes on the real prize while not falling for the false glimmer of wealth; it’s a rabbit hole too many fall victim to and can be avoided if we started placing value elsewhere. There are so many things money can’t buy and yet so many people live without; this holiday season lets all cash in on the wealth of a renewed spirit being fed with hard work, dedication, exceptional merit, and love.

Bloomington Graffiti

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I recently took a History of Hip Hop class with the assignment to pick one of the four elements (MCing, DJing, Graffiti, and Breaking) to identify and analyze locally. I had noticed graffiti on a building along the b-line trail and decided it would be a perfect wealth of information for this assignment. A friend had mentioned previous graffiti work there that was covered up, just to yet again be graffitied–always love a good rebellion story and interesting to see the differing opinion of city officials and graffiti artists  regarding community art appropriation. I came across several alley ways around the Kirkwood area to photograph in addition.

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Dreamboard

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A couple years ago I found myself newly single, nearly unemployed, way overstressed, and basically depressed. I had just wrecked my car, my mac laptop had been stolen, and things were just not going my way. If it’s any inclination, I was affectionately called ‘Snicket’ for my series of unfortunate events.

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Whenever I’m at a low point, I turn to creativity to take my mind off things and inadvertently work out my frustrations. I decided to make a collage of all the things I wanted for myself and came up with this Dreamboard… and weirdly enough everything came true in its own unique way. I hung it on the wall in my room and whenever I was lounging around or before I went to bed I would look at and know it was only a matter of time before I would obtain my goals. Sure enough, I began to see things fall into place little by little. I truly believe the best way to accomplish anything is to positively visualize it coming true. I know, it sounds kind of hokey but the more positive energy you put out, the more it will come back. Our words are powerful, which is why “I can’t” or “I’m not good enough” or “I’ll never make it” get no results.

For example, on my board I put a picture of a car with a little saying “A car for the person you set out to become.” For almost two years I was relying on public transportation and walking to get everywhere–including things like grocery shopping or getting to work. I knew I financially couldn’t afford buying a car, so I placed it on my Dreamboard. Sure enough, I ended up buying my car for $300 from a coworker who had just got a new car. Granted it needed some work, but instead of coughing up a huge sum of money at once, I was able to get it worked on over time and pay for it as I went. Now, it wasn’t like I made this board and things started instantly coming true, but within a year of making this board I finally had my own transportation–something I will never take for granted.

I’ve learned that I can plan thoroughly for the future, but life still has a way of surprising me. Instead of worrying, I try to take things a day at a time and think positively about my future desires and goals–and so far things have worked out pretty well.

Photo on 2-19-13 at 12.40 AM #2

Poppin tags party tomorrow with my AppleBees crew; couldn’t resist a makeup run through