A few days ago I received a phone call from my little sister, beyond desolate about her breakup with her boyfriend. They lived several hours apart and had been dating for a few months, but in that short amount of time my sister had drank the koolaid and fallen in love.
Now I don’t care what, who, or why a man dumps you, there are some sure-fire ways to respond that will at the very least help keep you sane and maintain perspective.
1. If a man walks out of your life, do not chase him!! Sure, you could try talking him out of it, or try showing him why you both are destined to be together… but are you going to do that every time he has a doubt about something? Hell no, ain’t nobody got time for that–especially you!!
2. Remember that nothing is permanent until death. Just because your partner leaves you, it does not always mean goodbye forever. Now, he very well may never come back or want anything with you again… men generally don’t break up with a girl out of nowhere and there is usually a premeditated plan of escape or waiting for an opportune moment for “the talk.” Keeping this in mind, he definitely will not come back because of guilt or your ability to make him see how much he is losing. These are realizations he MUST have on his own.
3. THE PREVENTATIVE PERSPECTIVE: The medical world is mostly concerned with treating symptoms. What are the symptoms of a breakup? Anger, self-doubt, insecurity, depression, and so on… I say instead of dealing with the symptoms, do everything in your power to PREVENT them! It all lies in perspective… In any situation whether you’re having a fight, breaking up, or dealing with a challenging situation it is always best to remain optimistic. Stay positive and remember that this is not the time to burn a bridge when emotions are running high; this is simply what the person you care about wants and needs right now. However, if you are determined to be upset and have a pitty party, then there is a very slim chance of things ending well. But if you choose to realize a closed door isn’t the end of the world or your love life—the sooner you walk through the next door.
4. When entering a relationship, be geared with a preventative perspective and handle situations with GRACE. In the case of being dumped–if you act crazy, get super emotional, beg and plead, or act like it’s the end of the world, you are only CONFIRMING HIS DECISION. As hard as it may seem, play it cool. Express yourself in a calming matter—you will want to be shitty, petty, inflict the pain this breakup is causing you back onto him—DON’T DO IT! Now, if you could care less by all means unleash however you would like. But if this breakup is happening and you genuinely love this person, give them what they are asking for… if it’s time, space, or they say they don’t feel the same way give them an opportunity to figure out their feelings.
5. Stay busy; hang out with friends, exercise and workout the frustration, start a project you’ve put off, reorganize your stuff, take this time to reflect on your life. Do not check his facebook profile. Do not text him. Do not try to talk to his friends or find ways of “subtly” throwing reminders of your relationship into his life. Remove yourself—this is the most powerful move you have. If he wants a breakup, give him one. One with no dramatics, no little reminders, or “you’ll see what you’re missing”—don’t even let him see. MAKE HIM WONDER, GIVE HIM MYSTERY. Don’t let him know you miss him, don’t let him know how broken you feel. You will want to hear from him, to know this isn’t easy for him… Trust me, men have emotions too and often deal with it PRIVATELY as should you. Any public displays or attempts of communicating to win him back will only push him farther away. This is the hardest part… you feel that doing nothing will lead to nothing and I promise it is the opposite. For some reason, they always come back just never in your timing, which is what gets women tripping.
All of this is easier said then done, but if you can keep calm and collected, maintain a positive perspective of the situation, and stay busy bettering yourself things will go much more smoothly.